Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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