forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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