I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
