Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
