somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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