Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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