Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
