dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
