last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
