During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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