doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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