it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
