I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
