you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize