Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
