I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
