Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
