I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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