apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize