You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
