awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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