i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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