Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
