Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
