Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
