I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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