she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize