she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
