I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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