Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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