How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Send help, water and tortillas.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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