So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
