we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
