I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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