i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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