I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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