dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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