If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
