Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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