Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
