i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize