you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
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