Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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