Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
