The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
