Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
