his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
