...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
