Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
