just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
