guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
