Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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