i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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