cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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