Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The uberlube is also flammable
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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