Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
