Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize