too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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