rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
