i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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