Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
