Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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