I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
