okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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