I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
