At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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