Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize