Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
