My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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