I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
