Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
