I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
