I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize